limbo

I arrived in the office not looking forward to a night's work taking calls. At home, I felt dread at the prospect of coming to work in the first place. I confided one of my friends that for the nth time I wanted to quit my job. But I can't because I have a responsibility to fulfill.

I applied again for a promotion. This time I covered most of the bases and applied for three positions. I wonder if I will be accepted in one of them, let alone all three of them. Would I be lucky if that was the case?

I also wanted to fall in love, who wouldn't right? But I have yet to find a man who will sweep me off my feet...I wish. But I prefer to have both of my feet on the ground when I meet my ideal man (if there is such a man). And I prefer a friend to fall for instead of a complete stranger. What will happen anyway if I end up with a total stranger?

I wonder if it's really true that if you fall for your friend it would be very awkward. I don't know. Never been there. My teammates and coach were practically linking me with almost every guy I know. Well, actually they're just two of them. One I like a lot while the other one is just a coincidence. But it can be both annoying and flattering at the same time.

What am I going to do in this lifetime?

the fascinating world of love and all those crap

I've read one of my friend's blogs and I was laughing at the same time feeling extremely sorry for her. It is never easy to love someone then lose that person to somebody else in the name of holy matriomony. It would have been nice if that was not the case, but it was. This was something permanent. The vow "'Til death do us part." would apply as permanent.

Thinking about it as I was i the ladies' room, I realized that I was lucky. I am going through the same pain that my friend was but the differences were: one, he doesn't know what I feel towards him or if he does know he doesn't care. Why? Second he is taken. Semi-permanent relationship. Long duration type. Blast!

There was a time I cried myself to sleep because of this man, and I tried to live my life as if he didn't exist but it was never easy.

Then one night I decided to make a resolve to move on with my life without him. Not with him because that would never happen. Besides, as my best friend pointed out so bluntly this afternoon, I did not give my heart, body and soul to him. I never did. I just mourned for my inadequcies as a person and as a woman.

Second resolve is to love myself. Not bordering on selfish love but on a love that empwers me and makes me feel like a person and a woman. I'M A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!

All I have given him is my friendship, which I am not sure if he has accepted it or not. If he does then that's fine, if he doesn't screw him, at least I tried.

I am moving on with out you sweetie!

August...new beginnings

Hay, it's already August 2005. 8th month of the year. The last month that does not end in -ber. Middle of the rainy season. Dengue fever season. The month names after the emperor Augustus. Whatever.

July ended horribly even if our team is number 1 and we're scared for August to be honest. Surveys are like the bogey man, coming out when you least expect it. We can't afford to fail right now since we've been doing well since May. We have to set an example in the entire company.

First day of August began badly with one of our teammates absent. Why? Fever due to lower back pain. She sent me an SMS in my mobile and I told her to come by even if she is in agony. She said she can't and will not come by tomorrow morning as well since she has to go to a therapist to treat her back.

Of course after telling this to my boss he exploded.

Nothing new there.

Anyhow, that was taken cared of, telling me not to let him do it again. Shoot the messenger already. He already lectured me for being abusive with his kindness. I know that he was being general because his principle was that any one of the team makes a mistake the entire group is affected.